the abiding

Suspended in time I wait. The fallen branches lie withering on the soil beneath. I can’t take my eyes off of them, the echoes of what was taken. The bush looks small and sad compared to what it used to be. I lock eyes with the Gardener. He is smiling. In His eyes there is a depth of love that consumes me.

“When will it grow again?” I ask.

He gives me an all-knowing look, and in a voice that sounds like a thousand beautiful songs He says: “Look, I am about to do something new…”

There is a stillness after it all. A moment where everything holds its breath. The branches are gone, the bush is… well it’s empty.

What now?

When will the leaves start growing back? Will they every grow back? Better yet: when will the roses ruffle out and bloom? It’s in this stillness that my mind wanders. Questions. Doubts. Hurt. Confused. Ah but there is so much grace for the questions, the doubts, all the hurt and the confusion. I know that full well.

In the stillness it’s easy to focus on the wrong thing. I was so caught up in the ‘when’. When will it grow back? When will there be evidence of something new? When will I feel completely settled? When will it get easier? When will I stop missing home?

I’d missed the whole purpose of the pruning: to abide.

To abide is to remain. To stay. To live in accordance with.

John 15 says that if we abide in Him, He will abide in us. The thing is: God delights in us abiding in Him because He gets to abide in us. His purpose in the pruning is to draw us into a space where we are completely and wholeheartedly focused and reliant on Him. He will do anything and everything to pull us close.

The purpose of the pruning isn’t in the new vibrant leaves that will grow or the flowers that will flourish in the months to come. Every good and beautiful thing that grows after the pruning is only ever a wondrous result of intimacy with Him. That’s all He every wants.

I saw a quote on Instagram the other day that sums up the Gardener’s heart for us:

When I realised that my focus had been in the wrong place I lifted my eyes to Him, to the Gardener, and instead focused on what He was doing. And friends, what He is doing is always good.

There’s little things everyday: intricate love letters from a God who is relentlessly and wholeheartedly pursuing each and every one of us. From the way the clouds melt over the mountains on morning runs, to the golden glow cast through the trees at sunset. Some of my favourite ‘love letters’ come in the form of little birdies that visit the tree outside our window to greet us with their sweet songs and the few mischievous squirrels that jump and scurry along its branches. It’s the closest I think I’ll ever get to being in a Disney movie where the animals talk and dress the princesses. It feels magical. It’s intentional. My Father knows these things make me smile.

When we open our eyes to what He is doing and we see the intentionality and true love behind it, we come to realise the lengths that He is willing to go to in order to draw us closer to Him. There is nothing He wouldn’t do to hold your heart and affection. He’d send every love letter possible.

My last few weeks have consisted of abiding. Drawing closer to Him and seeing the love letters He sends to make me smile as a beautifully personal gift from an endlessly loving Father.

In this piece I just hope to encourage you. No matter what season you find yourself in, if it’s pruning, abiding, growing, flourishing. He is pursuing your heart and He is doing everything to draw you closer to Him.

Here’s a little collage of some of the love letters I’ve received over the last few weeks. I encourage you to take a photo of each one you receive or to write it down. Take record of it in some way and you’ll begin to notice it more and more.

And a video of a squirrel in our tree!

This post was difficult to write. At first I honestly didn’t know what God wanted me to write about. But as I prayed about it more and more I felt Him say: “Write about My heart. Write about what I’m doing.”

And that’s what I’ve done.

I hope this can be a reminder to you about how God is incredibly in love with you. Like the quote said: He’s crazy about you. Look out for the love letters and the ways He’s trying to tell you that. He wants you to know it and believe it everyday. Abide in Him as He draws you closer and you experience the fullness of this abundant life through intimacy with Him.

Sending loads of prayers and love,

gené xx